When we start to become more aware of ourselves and the person we actually want to be, we begin to change the way we think and speak. Through this change we will often start noticing that we don’t always feel as comfortable around the people who we were once feeling right at home with.
This experience can be one of the toughest challenges on the journey of becoming a better person. So for those millennial women who are driven to create the life they want it’s important to know how much these people can effect you and how to go about weaning yourself off of them. So ask yourself; Who do I spend my precious time with?
You are who you spend your time with.
I like to use children as an example often, their an especially fantastic example for this topic. We view children as highly influential. As parents we get a little panicked when we suspect our child is hanging around with a bad seed. In some cases we will stop at nothing to put a stop to it. However, there is this false reality that as we get older we are not as easily influenced.
This may be the case in some circumstances, I mean we do become more aware and our bullshit detector gets a little more seasoned. Nonetheless, despite this developed level of awareness we are being influenced by the people who keep us in our comfort zones.
For example; it used to be completely normal for me to complain about things. I grew up comfortable blaming people and circumstances for everything in my life. I couldn’t buy my own place because the military didn’t pay their members enough. It was the rains fault that I failed to do my run yesterday. It was my boyfriends fault that I felt insecure. I was so unlucky because I had a big nose, oily skin and struggled academically. I think you catch my drift.
This mindset was so common in my immediate circle of influence that it felt comfortable to sit around with friends or family and bitch about other people, our circumstances, and life in general. Now when I am around negative people, or someone who has a victim mindset I feel uncomfortable. Only after two years of intellectual work developing and strengthening my mindset, can I recognize and combat the effect of that influence immediately.
I don’t believe any of us truly want to live with these nasty thoughts dictating our emotions. We do it because it makes it easy to avoid looking in the mirror… in other words we avoid the growing pains caused by recognizing our own faults.
Real friends will call you out on your shit.
Have you ever experienced a conversation with a friend; maybe discussing a particular decision you’ve made. You’re justifying why you did or didn’t do something while a part of you is aware it’s all bullshit coming out of your mouth? I’m just being real. We are all guilty of it – lying to ourselves. Wanting so bad to believe it to be true.
As you ramble on trying to feel better about yourself, your “friend” nods their head and feeds your bullshit. They tell you what an asshole that other person was or how you were totally right.
Meanwhile you both know deep within your hearts – it’s not truth.
A real friend won’t do this to you. A real friend will have the courage to gracefully and lovingly make you take responsibility for yourself. They will have your back in these times where awareness is required for personal growth.
This is taking a stand for a friend, in the name of holding them accountable because you love them and believe in them so much that you won’t allow them to miss the lesson. If your friends (influence) aren’t adding to your life in this way then they are most likely acting as crabs.
When you need a lift, instead they pull you back down to their level.
If you follow my content you’ll start to notice that I speak of awareness a lot. I believe it’s because it was when I started to be aware of myself and my surroundings that’s when I began feeling capable of making the difficult changes required for growth.
Be the observer when you are around your friends and family, pay attention to the conversations. Are they empowering and constructive or are they dis-empowering and destructive? Once you chose awareness over auto-pilot you will begin to notice whether or not the language is negative or positive.
You will know if the people you spend time with are taking responsibility for their lives or if they believe life is taking them for a ride.
Don’t Judge. Be the change.
When you start paying attention to the mindsets you’re surrounded by you may begin to feel uneasy or maybe even resentful towards some of the the people around you. Catch this and remind yourself to understand instead of judge. There is a very good chance you love most if not all of these people. Therefore, be the change.
If you want better influence around you then you have to start by being the better influence. Take in some resources. You can find some books that have had impact on my life on the Recommended Reads page.
With each thought or conversation you are aware of and you intentionally steer towards a more productive outcome you get stronger. The people who are meant to stay on your path will, the one’s who aren’t ready to intentionally improve their lives will slowly fade out. Bad seeds will either becoming completely absent or just progressively more rare. By focusing on your own progress you can allow this process to happen without force or heavy negative energy.
The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships – Tony Robbins
Raising The Next generation
Britney has become eager to empower women of the millennial generation. With knowledge of the digital economy she is sharing her wisdom on how it can enable the greatest generation to step out of the traditional mindset and into an empowered way of living.